My husband had battled “Anger Issues” throughout his life. He would holler like the Marine he was. Fists to his sides-chest pushed forward- getting as close as possible- hollering at the top of his lungs. I couldn’t help but laugh. I’m trying not to laugh right now. He was good-spirited enough to see the comedy in it. With-in a few minutes he would apologize and I would reciprocate. We were so well matched on so many levels in our walk.

  Before our marriage commitment I wouldn’t let go of a grudge. My study this week describes me ; “We wrongly rationalize postponing forgiveness or withholding grace to ‘teach the offender a lesson.’ We think our offer of forgiveness sends the wrong message- if I forgive he will think I am condoning his behavior- thus contributing to his downfall and would allow him to hurt me again. When I think of the amount of relationships I merely “tough loved” away I’m mortified.

  *God makes forgiveness available for everyone, but only those who appropriate it by a life of forgiving others show that they have genuinely accepted His pardon.

   My husband and I both came from families with anger and unforgiving. Yet we both had fathers who were kind and forgiving. It never ceases to amaze me as I experience the unveiling of God’s plan in my life.  We often wondered why it was mainly “just the two of us”.  God has a lot of work to be done!

  Having had those last weeks together before my husband passed. I was able to apologize for different things. We were pretty much alone till the end. It softened our remaining time together.

  I’ve battled guilt off and on. Always questioning if I had done all that I could have done. God has unveiled His plan showing me how He had trained me from my 20’s to care for respiratory patients when I was a massage therapist. He trained me to understand my husbands frontal lobe damage by having me work with the disabled. Both my husband and I had a close relationship with a victim of COPD and her family, where we learned all we needed to care for him at advanced stages. Step by step He trained me to care for my husband.

  I am grateful for the 12yrs. I was gifted with my husband. Gratitude is the only solvent I have found for the extreme pain and loneliness I feel since my husbands exit.