Philippians 2:1-4  If then there is any encouragement in Christ, if any consolation of love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any affection and mercy, fulfill my joy by thinking the same way, having the same love, sharing the same feelings, focusing on one goal.                                                                                                                           Do nothing out of rivalry or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves Everyone should look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.

  It was always interesting to me that my husband felt truly loved after a good meal. Unlike most men I had known the touching, the dressing up for, gifts or wearing perfume did not demonstrate to him my love for him like a meal at the table. That is when his eyes shined and he looked at me with approval. We could have been in the midst of a war, but right after he said Grace over the meal his whole demeanor would change . Peace was attained and words of love would pass between us.

  So much attention was put on diet and the pleasure of eating throughout our marriage. (I’m still struggling with the whopping 70 lbs. I’ve gained since our marriage) My husband was a diabetic, with gout. We had found out later that the steroids in the inhalers that treat the COPD probably caused the gout like symptoms. So devising 3 meals a day, shopping for them, adjusting recipes, preparing the meals, cleaning up etc., etc . took quite a bit of time in the day. What do I do now that he is gone?

  He read the newspaper and studied baseball stats and players careers. He knew players batting averages and who they had played for their entire careers. I read recipes.

  I had been in the food business most of my younger life. My favorite had been catering. I just loved the challenge of going in to a space and joining a team of people scurrying about making a party. When I had become clean and sober I needed a different work place. Skill redirection and having been Born Again directed those skills from party to nurturing the elderly and the disabled. All this experience just the right combination to be able to care for my darling husband. What do I do now?

  I pray that God will show me what He wants me to do soon. It’s been 10 mos of bungling from one project to the next. The clutter and disorganization is still overwhelming. He does make me aware of what has been accomplished during these months. But I doubt myself. What would Paul say? Am I ignoring the instructions in these verses. I think if the tears would just stop those words could be seen more clearly.

Philippians 2:13  For it is God who is working in you, enabling you both to desire and to work out His good purpose.    Amen