PUTTING PRAYER FIRST!
My husband nor I believed in coincidence. When we allowed God’s plan to work out at His pace without too much of our own figuring, we were able to see what He had been accomplishing in our lives. Of course it was only in hindsight that we saw how the plan unfolded. The trick and the treat was to grab a hold of the Saviors hem and wing it.
As I look back on our 12 years together I’m amazed we were able to do it without too much question. Many “others” gave us council to slow down and search motive and manner. I don’t know why but we didn’t involve “others” very much in our decisions. We sounded off friends different issues we had been working on. Like:
Money: Do we keep separate accounts ? Do we share the responsibility of my husbands past credit card debt? Do we discuss any purchases made? Do we have “OUR OWN MONEY”? We did bring this up at a dinner party with R&C. Of course Pastor Price talked with us during the prenup counseling. We discarded the world view and cleaved as one, and for the rest of the marriage we struggled together. My husband had his jobs with recording and I meted out.
We always had just barely enough until my husband brought it to my attention that I wasn’t paying enough tithe. I had been missing a 0! I was only paying 1%. The embarrassment! Once that had been righted and we had started listening to “Crown Financial”, money was there as needed. Not in excess, but we could rest in His assurance.
This past week plus has been incredibly hard to be a widow. It will be a year since his passing in 46 days. His birthday in 42 days. I have no party to plan. I need to make a church move. I need to find smaller and cheaper housing. What kind of work shall I do?I’ve been isolated with allergy’s, lethargy and shoulder pain. Where is my Confidant? I’ve not ventured farther than my home for earthly counsel in 12 years.
Of course God directed my study to prayer. My study in Romans 12-15 was side lined by “coincidence” . I was rereading “The Cat Who” series at bedtime and found I was missing a volume. The book store was out so I ordered on line. For an interim book I found on a bottom shelf a book I have carried around since 2000. “The Book of Hours”, by T. Davis Bunn is a novel/mystery. It’s the story of a man who was widowed two years. He finds his way to God, a home, and earthly treasure through riddles left by his dead wife’s aunt. Of course the habit of praying the hours is the theme throughout.
Aunt Heather writes, “Prayer gives us the strength to go beyond the boundaries of fear and pain. In order for you to heal,…you must learn to dwell within the refuge God grants us through prayer. Prayer then becomes a doorway to what lies beyond the pain and the fear and the past. Prayer will reveal to you the wonder of life in Jesus.
“‘To arrive at this deeper purpose, you must develop prayer as a regular discipline. You must make it a constant in your life, and not just a sometime act.”
Of course I couldn’t put the book down. I’ve read and reread different passages. It’s not really a comfort to read other peoples experiences with the death of a beloved spouse. But I do appreciate my own fear and pain validated . The enemy does try to make me feel weak and that it should be over by now. But I’m not over him, and never will be. Aunt Heather said:”My husband came and my husband went. And I am the better for it.”
So I’ll sit at His feet alone. Asking for clear direction, with Faith.
From one of this mornings preachers I heard the story of Dorcas. I’ll read it now. There are no coincidences.